I had a client reach out to me and wanted to vent concerning a neighboring chiropractor that she had recently spoken to.
This man is living in scarcity. Instead of only serving people he truly loves to serve (and thereby doing an awesome job because he loves it) - he is focusing on grabbing all he can. Even people that he doesn't absolutely love serving. And when you have a scarcity mindset, this will happen to you.
She had told him that they would like to refer out some of their elderly clients to him since they were focusing on pediatrics and family care. However this doctor told her that while he was happy to accept their referrals, he would not be sending them kids and families to reciprocate and that he would be likely taking every new client that he could and just wanted to be up front.
Abundance on the other hand, you realize that there are lots of people to help and that you can do them and yourself a favor by serving only those that truly fit your focus. And it works, think of businesses that are weirdly specialized seem to always be busy even in a recession versus those that are trying to serve EVERYONE.
My lesson is this. What is your mindset? Are you on the abundance side or on the scarcity side? And did you learn this or put yourself there? And ultimately, is it working for you.
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It's so humbling and yet exciting to watch a baby grow and ulimately learn to walk. Crawling, sitting, and then standing up while they cruise along furniture. They get stronger and stronger and more and more confident and then almost by accident they take a step. And fall. And Fall
And fall and fall and fall. And hit their heads and their butt and get all sorts of marks on their body from crashing over and over.
And yet, they don't give up. They keep pushing. They never say, "maybe this isn't for me. Or, this is too hard. Or I give up."
They step and fall and then finally, they are free!
Where is it in your own life that you need to embrace having to fall a few dozen times before you get what you ultimately want.
Go get what you want.
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Honestly the (...) isn't supposed to be there, but I'm trying to catch your attention. Because really, it is okay for you just to NEED. Hear me, you have needs and it's okay to have them.
I don't know how we have adopted this culture where we like to put ourselves last, perhaps it's a parenting thing. Because we get so adept at anticipating the needs of our kids that end up putting ourselves last to provide for our kids. And then as we do this more and more, we find ourselves become a helicopter parent, or worse, a lawnmower parent.
Does this empower our kids? That's all you have to ask yourself, but I don't want to go on this tangent (I may have on the actual podcast btw).
So, dear listener, guard yourself and honor your needs. Fight for them and not only will you help yourself, but you will actually have more energy and life to give to others! (the whole fill your cup first thing right?)
Homework: ask for one thing. Anything - coffee, time alone, an errand, footrub. ask for one thing.
You Got This.
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My wife posted a video yesterday about her struggles with anxiety and panic attacks. It was not easy for her but she had found herself triggered by a video where two men were discussing post-partum depression and how women just needed "to get over it".
That ignited her and she blasted her video (which had 1000 views within 6 hours) and by this morning she already had 9 women private messaging her for help.
When you can share your fear or share your pain, you help others share theirs. Silence has a way of disempowering us and keeping our secrets actually make us fell out of control and in a prison of sorts.
When my wife shared her pain, it not only freed her but freed others and in a way, allowed her to divide her pain and share (and be shared like from others).
Who knows what will come from this ultimately, but I can tell you that no matter what you're struggling with. You are not alone and by sharing your pain, you will set yourself free.
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My town has a monthly tornado siren check every first Monday of the month and here I thought - if a town can make sure to run a check each and every month then I need to show people there is value in doing the same for themselves.
We already have a 30 day benchmark system in place with milestones really set up at 90 days, checking in to our targets (not goals, but targets) in our health, wealth, spirituality and family. While I'm not going to give away our whole sytem here are a few suggestions.
I recorded this on my front porch instead of in my office. With my phone, open air. It made my soul cringe at first and I was hesitant to even try and record.
Earlier today, I was trying to plan when I was actually going to record and figured I would have to wait until everyone was in bed. I want to put it off and who knows what excuse I would have by then. So, instead of taking a chance - let's roll!
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See, dear listener, it's not up to us to fix anyone but ourselves. We can offer people space, love, and attention, but as far as fixing goes. You are not a savior! You are not their only hope! You can't fix your kids even as a parent. You can't fix your spouse even though you're married. You can't fix your employees by yelling or your boss by "making it obvious". Hell, I can't even fix my patients. They have to do that themselves!
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Using anger or hate or getting loud will only make it FEEL like things are improving for a short term, but will NEVER make a long term positive change.
But we love to hate on ourselves for both present and past (sometimes decades in the past) because it's easy and it seems like such an immediate change, but it won't ever last long.
Trying to be perfect will lead to failure, which then leads to you hating on yourself until you can try it all over again. "I will get it this time. This time is different!"
Except it's not. Not until you change your approach.
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Most people have no idea where the hell they are going. Even fewer have a clear idea of where they even are currently. Time to get focused.
Tension and priming for action is a default of the human body. So ideally you create this, but if you don't....
How come we know exactly what it would take to change our lives for the better, we somehow completely avoid doing it!
Working out, sex, leaving a bad/abusive marriage, reconnecting with kids or estranged family, not making sales calls, not asking for referrals or business, EVERYTHING that we know WE SHOULD DO to just make our lives better
And yet.
(so tune in)
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This is all that apparently anyone cares about when selling something online.
This is what I have been taught anyways during my journey to understand the online world and marketing/sales with helping people through the internet. And it says that if you want people to open up your emails and buy, you attach it to Money, Sex, or Health.
You see, part of our brains are wired like wild monkeys or lizards and all sorts of neurons "go ape" when talking about this stuff. It almost induces a craving/need to satisfy if we're currently lacking in this area - an urge to fix it.
Know this in your day to day as you scan hundreds of emails and ads and I think you will notice just how much these "problems" are pointed out to you for you to ponder and buy.
Could I use these ploys? Absolutely but I see these as just "side effects" to working with me. As we work to fix you from the inside out, the outside needs seem to magically be fixed. No need for ploys or gimmicks.
I am launching a few projects in the next 14 days. If you're wanting in, sign up for the newsletter. I'm giving away access to launch these projects, but once they go live, I'm going to blow your mind away with content and that will have a price tag attached.
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WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?
There will never be an invitation, or someone asking you to take the lead and step up, or even ask you what you want.
No one is going to go out of their way to ask you what you need and help you get what you want (unless you're paying them to do that).
No one is coming to save you. No one is going to give you permission.
The rest is up to you.
To wake yourself up, to write down your goals, and to do the work to get them. Anyone telling you differently is selling you something.
Now imagine a world where people understood this. A world where people stopped waiting for "the right moment" or when they "felt like it".
That's a world of progress and innovation.
Because it's YOUR dreams and needs. Not someone else's, so it's UP TO YOU to go and get it.
The only time someone is coming to you is to solve THEIR OWN PROBLEMS. And that's where the magic happens, because if you have a solution to a problem. Then people are going to come running.
So, time to pony up everyone and get to work. Stop waiting for me, stop waiting for a rich uncle to die, because it's time that you helped yourself so that you can be the change you want to see in the world.
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Dr. Adana Vargas
Affirmation Cards (use code IAMAMAZING for free shipping)
Coffee & Mindset Podcast - iTunes
Coffee and Mindset on Facebook
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I think these are probably some of the most dangerous words in society.
Especially medicine, parenting, education, and certainly in your own life!
These have hindered growth and development here in the States when compared to how other countries have grown and adapted. It's stagnated how we utilize resources for profit instead of impact on environment or health.
So, how has these shown up in your own life? How are you stagnant in your day to day routine - just because that's what you've always done. And is it actually serving you? I can tell you firsthand that when working with some clients, their pain has become their identity. They have been in pain for so long that the possibility of releasing that and not having that issue actually terrifies some. It sounds crazy because it kind of is!
I have coaching clients with these stories concerning marriage, kids, finances, their job, their social life. And change can sound and feel terrifying! And so we hide in our "safe routine" and we are miserable!
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Last night we went to a workshop for how to actually align the wheels for our soap box derby car.
It was overwhelming! There is a lot to consider from toe in to toe out of the wheel and also camber which is like a tilt of the wheels and then there is weight to consider and it really comes down to THOUSANDTHS OF AN INCH.
If not done properly, the car loses speed due to friction and improper alignment of the wheels. And as a chiropractor, I love that we are talking about alignment and efficiency.
We waste energy and talent when we are out of alignment to our core values.
What's worse is that the tiniest misalignment will someday lead us to being WAY off course!
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What is the lesson with Tiger and his comeback win for the Master's?
First of all, everyone LOVES a comeback. Sure he has haters and trolls that are spreading drama about this or the people that weren't fans before his fall are still bagging on him.
But the majority of folks.... love that he fell and came back.
And no matter the reason for your "fall" or even what you're actually trying to hide, people are rooting for you too.
It's time to let go of the guilt and shame. The energy you are wasting on your past mistakes is likely baffling.
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I have casually mentioned this before in several other episodes but I have never highlighted it.
When you start to set targets (I like saying this versus "goal"), attach a reward to it. Write them down along with a finish by date and post them up so you can see them every day, heck multiple times a day.
And most importantly, when you do it, celebrate with your reward.
Because, I know that you haven't been. Most of the time that is. In fact, once you have achieved or won, you often downplayed your victory - claiming it to be small or no big deal.
At one time you thought it was. But then as you tackled your daily actions towards your big target, you grew into a new person and that new person now doesn't see it as a "big deal".
The person you were at the bottom of the mountain is now dead and gone. The person that climbed the mountain and is looking from the top has a totally new perspective and is now seeing bigger mountains to climb.
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We're due for yet another blizzard here in Nebraska on the tail end of a massive statewide flood. Ranchers and farmers alike have had enough of this. It's calving and planting season here and we're looking for refuge from Mother Nature. Meanwhile, my wife's cabin fever may be the death of my low back as she wants to landscape and "nest".
Does it do any good to complain about the weather? Or one may argue that it's therapeutic to be able to vent about something. I can agree with this if it leads to a solution. But the weather?
It proves that one can complain about pretty much anything.
So instead, how can we reframe this to improve our lives and our outlook.
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