It wasn't until I was SIX years into running my own business before I actually sent someone to collections. We would call, send letters, have our lawyer send letters, call again, and over and over we would try to stay in communication with someone. And yet, I would either take the hit, or keep that balance there to stare at me until 2016 when I finally started to stand up for myself.
I was too terrified that people wouldn't like me. Even though, they were basically okay with me doing the work and them not paying for the results.
In fact, I would make up stories in my head about why they couldn't pay (and yes, there are many people that have valid reasons, but I'm talking about the folks that just "ghost us" and don't keep up in the loop about a crisis or hardship).
These other stories, I would blame myself. Seriously, it would magically become my fault. Thinking I had pissed them off, or said the wrong thing, or that they didn't get the results and were just too nice to not tell me.
I am a recovering people pleaser. A "Nice Guy". And it has nearly cost me my business. I had to cut corners to make up for this lost income due, I didn't pay payroll taxes thinking I would catch up later. Yeah right.
I was about to "nice guy" myself into bankruptcy. Just to be liked. And really, do you really think they liked me more because of it.
This damn quote triggered the hell out of me. I have clutter in my life and it drives me crazy! I am overweight (calorie clutter), I am often in a reactionary mindset or not prepared for all the kids and wife's emergencies (relationship clutter), and budgeting and finances are often cluttered and disorganized. Sure I have physical clutter, but not much. Instead of I have clutter in my mind (and yes also junk in my back storage room too).
Here's the quote again for anyone that missed it. "Clutter is the physical manifestation of unmade decisions fueled by procrastination." - Christina Scalise
So look around you. Look at the facts. Are you surrounded by clutter? How about your body? Or finances?
You can't even pretend it doesn't exist because it will be right there staring at you... YEP.
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Spoke to a local mom here in my hometown and she reached out because she saw an infographic about signs of mental and emotional exhaustion. And let me tell you, she is far from being the only one out there!
We could go a number of ways with this episode, from sleep to stress to lack of connection with friends or even your spouse!
But really what it comes down to is a disconnection from self. Ignoring your needs. Ignoring the warning signs and pushing them aside until you can't push any more. And no matter what, once you disconnect from yourself, you start to lose it all.
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Positive and negative reinforcement, good and bad consequences, good and bad rewards and punishments.
We are all motivated by different things. Some people run away from bad, and some run towards the good.
As a health professional and coach it's important for me to understand what motivates a client's behavior. And to help them transition from their current state of pain (whether it's physical pain or the pain of their current situation), I need for them to see the risks and benefits and to promote one to help them leap towards (or away) their goal (or from punishment).
And for each and everyone of us. You have to ask yourself, "why am I doing this? why do I care about XYZ?"
And if you can answer that, you can see if you're in the trap of wanting approval from someone else, or avoiding the punishment from another, or really just living the life that YOU want.
Unfortunately, with social media, we are encouraged over and over again to seek approval in the form of "likes" or Reddit points, or shares/retweets and the like. These are really powerful dopamine inducing pleasure responses to know that other people are approving of our posts and thoughts and opinions. We get addicted to it. And it's hard to even break free from it in our "real lives" by not trying to seek that same reward.
So the next time you're doing chores, helping around the house, dressing your kids, dressing yourself... why? Is your hair perfect for you? Or for some fake ass people to approve you?
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~Coach Troy
I have mentioned working with Wake Up Warrior with Garrett J White many times on my podcast, but here is an example of how I used their teachings in my life and in creating a legacy with my kids.
Each and every day, my kids are expected to invest in the following areas of their life: Body, Being, Balance, and Business. That's the adult version, for them, I say:
Body, Spirit, Family, and Education.
When they accomplish it each day, they earn a reward of their choosing from a short list: screen/tech time, treats, dates with mom or dad.
They are also working towards a long term goal of participating in a Spartan Race this Summer.
So, in this episode I interview my wife and get real feedback about how this has helped them gain confidence and momentum in their own lives. And that's the point, how can we purposely help our kids create momentum for their days. So far it's working for us and I hope it can help you too!
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There is no someday. It doesn't exist. In fact, it's this terrible lie that we are being sold every day of our lives. From social media, credit cards, gyms, church, and yes even coaches and doctors like myself.
You're being sold that some day, you'll finally be able to... have fun, relax, play with the kids, enjoy golf, have sex, go on vacation, lose weight, and just smile about how great life is.
And it's kind of depressing to think that this isn't true. But that's only because you're so focus on that some day that you're forgetting you have find that today.
The purpose of your life is not to lose weight and pay bills. And it's not to spend your life in misery to work for someone else's dream just to squeak by.
It's happening right now. And you get to choose to wake up and create that fun right now. Right now. And it's not easy at first. In fact, it's really freaking hard to look at the chaos in the moment and see the beauty in it. But you have to. You have to save yourself right now.
Have fun with your kids right now. Put the phone down. Put the laundry down.
Have fun at work. Because you only have one shot at this life. Love what you do. Both at home and at work. Just find that joy there. And yes, if you're cleaning toilets, that means finding joy in being the best damn toilet cleaner you can be. Or CEO. Because we know that there are billionaires that hate their lives, that literally kill themselves because chasing that all mighty dollar didn't do a damn thing for them. Or the highest religious official or leaders that crumble from some scandal because they were chasing happiness in all the wrong places. Or worse yet, people that sacrifice their health for their work and die and are replaced within a week. For what? Wake the hell up and realize that you need to start acting like a human BEING.
So this is me giving you permission. Have fun in everything you do. Find the ounce of joy in your work, your kids, your housework, your studies. Because no one is going to do it for you.
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No one wants to have some perfect role model leading from a mountain top. They made it and they did the work and have arrived. Sure it sounds great in theory and it looks damn good on social media, but everyone knows that those guys are so far ahead (however they got there) that it's almost unattainable for us regular folk. I believe that yes you can get to that point, but it's hard to grasp such a leap.
Instead, most people really do well with a leader that is only a few steps ahead. They are doing the work at the same time; helping you see that you are indeed not alone, but among friends and that you'll conquer this together.
One screams "look at me" and the other says "come with me".
That's how I coach. I have figured out a few things and hope you come with me.
And furthermore, I hope that you pass it forward and help even more people go with you.
It's time to stop thinking that you have to be this perfect image of success before you can help others. Why on earth would I wait to help someone that needs help. Why should I wait until I'm at the top when I could have been bringing you along?
The same goes for your journey. So, let's get started climbing that mountain, together.
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After we set goals, we have all sorts of momentum and inspiration until a disaster or bad day hits us. Most of the time we trash the goal! We didn't do this in school during a test and so I encourage you to look at life like a test. Have a tough question? Finish the test anyways!
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Isn't it frustrating? Year after year, setting the same goals and intentions . And sometimes we have a small taste of success, but 87% of us fail our resolutions each and every year.
Why?
Because what we are stressed, we resort to old habits.
This is important to own. Because, no matter what, disaster will strike, big or small, and you will want to quit and go back to old comforts. And by knowing this, you take back your power to CHOOSE.
What is doubly hard, is that the old habits die hard! You can make those cravings fade, but they never die. You have to constantly reinforce the new. Ask any addict.
Now when we do fail, that's when things really get Spivey. The guilt after causes us to go into full meltdown and instead of getting right back up, we feel like failures and beat ourselves up. This continues until we rally and then recommit to this game of perfection. And round and round the cycle goes.
How do we fix this? Your coach or trainer will help you see through your stories. Otherwise, two options. 1. Set your goals and then write out what your roadblocks and speed bumps will be. By taking a moment to identify how you will struggle or possibly fail, you again, take power with choice!
2. Honor the game of expansion. Realize that each and every day you are improving and that failing doesn't mean you should stop; but to get right back to work!
Hope this helps and brings you health.
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We have values and beliefs that have been handed to us. We can choose to keep these or adopt new ones.
What do you think we usually do?
Some that I have heard and some that were given to me. Some good and some bad:
What about health?
Or, how about 'if you can buy it, it must be safe?"
What about your ideas about God? Where these given to you or did you choose?
Take a look at your values and stories and make sure they actually serve you!
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Here's your chance to jump on or GTFO.
While a main purpose of this time together is to have some fun and wash off some of the grime of having a family and just life in general. There is a greater purpose here.
MEDIOCRITY is killing us.
Wake up and be real. No more filters, no "perfect life" on facebook, no competing among the other parents for the best snacks, but we need to be reminded that it's perfectly great to be authentically you. Refilling your cup and therefore passing that power of authenticity to our kids as well.
Because right now. Our kids are getting sicker and sicker - life expectancy is actually dropping and childhood cancer is getting more and more prevalent. We are more obese than ever before, more in debt, and more in depressed.
Whether you coach with me or someone else, or you listen here and run with it yourself - we are talking about getting REAL results. I want you to look back a year from now and really be amazed with yourself.
I want you to feel compelled to share this message by sharing my podcast, my coaching, or better yet, take this message and be empowered to start your own movement. That's how we save this world and save our kids.
Yes, I'm going to sell to you later. I'm going to give you chances to level up with me, but for now:
JUST OPEN YOURSELF UP TO WHAT LIFE COULD BECOME IF YOU REALLY WENT ALL IN WITH YOURSELF.
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In my last episode, I opened that I came to the realization that this podcast sucks! So, let's talk about why I actually think that, and it's about my content I share.
What is the whole point of this podcast? Or listening to a podcast in general, especially a daily one?
Here are my theories for why we invest time on anything actually:
There is is, so here is how I'm going to actually deliver now:
Pattern interrupters. We use this to make change in our lives. Now normally, we wait until something drastic happens TO US (heart attack, finances, bankruptcy, divorce, spiritual warfare). Well, instead of waiting, let's search it out.
An easy example of how we do this is by working out and making sure we mix things up to keep our muscles confused and therefore in growth!
So we can use this in religion and politics. You need to search out chaos and growth by getting uncomfortable. Study opposing views. And be open to changing your viewpoint when you get evidence. Be in a state of growth and expansion. We don't by staying comfortable.
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Backstory
I have listening to my podcast to really try and improve. And this is important to do. In fact, just like sports teams and athletes will watch game tapes, it's important that we do the same. It's the fastest way to improve your performance and therefore; results.
It allows us to study ourselves without the emotion attached.
So, I listen and I wanted to puke. But it's easy to tear yourself apart. It really is.
Changes are being made; so let's talk about HOW I did this.
I have been tracking my performance in more and more areas of my life. It started with my health and now I'm starting to track in almost every area of my life. By tracking, we start to look at facts and bring more mindset and intention to these areas.
As a chiropractor - videotaping my exam, my consult, my adjustment, and also practicing with my staff about answer questions and educating my clients.
As a parent - talking with my wife after our kids have a tantrum and discussing how we handled things.
As a spouse - this was the hardest for me, but really asking for help with expressing feelings, talking about needs and sex, and also just making sure we keep communication open.
Working out - i videotape my planks and burpees to check form. Watching yourself in a mirror as you lift to check form. Tracking weight and reps and making sure to keep track of growth.
Eating - tracking all meals, every single thing that is put in your mouth.
Finances - all receipts, even cash, etc.
By tracking and reviewing, I am more mindful of spending and eating and more. And my actions are becoming more and more effective because I'm making less and less mistake.s
So, where are you going to start using "game tapes" or tracking?
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Parenting is not for the weak. Cooking, cleaning, bath time, work, driving the kids to practice, church, working out, all while keeping your sanity is no small feat. You’re doing your best and you are not alone.
Parenting is not for the weak. Cooking, cleaning, bath time, work, driving the kids to practice, church, working out, all while keeping your sanity is no small feat. You’re doing your best and you are not alone.